I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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