Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
