she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
