he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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