He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
