i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
