He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
