Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
