you traded sex for a burrito?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Houston, we have a blender
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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