i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
