Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
