i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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