Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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