Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
