wanna go halves on a baby?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
