The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
