walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
