I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
