So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
