Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
