I wish I could teleport
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
