I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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