sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
