Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
