At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
