Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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