every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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