is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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