i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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