is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
