The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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