I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
