Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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