Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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