I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
