the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
