I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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