Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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