That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
