I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
