four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
