What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
