Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
