okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
