He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
