Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
