"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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