I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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