this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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