'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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