you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
